Dwindling

The days are dwindling away until my body is finally mine again. After 4 kids, I'll be honest, I am looking forward to it. Yet, tonight I felt an overwhelming sadness as I nursed and rocked my little babe to sleep. So much so... that I couldn't stop crying about it.

Teething has started up again. Cara has one of her top teeth already out and the next one is now following pursuit. Teething has affected her the most out of all my children. She gets pretty cranky during the day, wakes up a little more often at night, and the last time her tooth was coming out I had to rock her to sleep one night just to comfort her, which I have never done with her before! The downside of having a well sleep-trained baby is that she falls asleep best in her crib. But I happily did it because I got to watch her fall asleep in my arms. I got to watch her big beautiful eyes stare up at me and slowly gain heaviness with every blink. I got to watch her chest ease up with every breathe. And I got to pause time as I stood there watching her realizing that nothing in the world mattered at that moment but holding my baby.
Tonight as the second top tooth erupts she woke up screaming soon after putting her down for the night which is not normal. So I nursed her and laid her back down. That didn't work. And since rocking worked so well last time I went back in and did just that again.

It was heavenly.

Again, I got to watch her warm little body slowly and perfectly conform to my body as I motioned her into calmness. Again I watched her eyes slowly droop into absolute peace.
I just stared at her perfect little face once she feel asleep. Her hair was sticking up from her bath tonight. Her pacifier was cutely moving up and down. Her right hand was in a little fist gently placed on my chest. I grabbed her little hand and forced my finger to be wrapped by her little fingers. And I kissed those tiny precious fingers repeatedly.

I don't know what it was about tonight, but it was a very tangible feeling of sadness that before I know it, this stage of nursing and holding my babies in my arms is almost over. It was the kind of tangible feeling that you can almost reach into your heart and hold it because it hurts so much. How can this stage be almost over? Who pressed fast forward in my life?? Never again can I go back in time to this moment. Can't I just hold my babies forever? I'm not ready to let go.

So I just cried.
The tears were joyous tears as well. I am filled with joy that I got to be a mother of 4 incredibly beautiful, healthy children. I am filled with joy that I currently still have a baby in my arms who loves me, feels safe with me, wants to be with me and that I can fill her every physical need no matter how exhausting it may be.

The only great thing about knowing that these days are my last ones is that I have purposefully enjoyed it all to the fullest. It sure ain't easy, but man, I love being a mother.

I can't even handle it

6 month check

Weight: 15 pounds 2 ounces 28 percentile

Height: 25 inches 13 percentile

Head: 16 3/4 inches 56 percentile

Our days

The New Year has entered rather quietly. Not much going on over here these days. To give you a little glimpse of our day-to-day lately I will use Natalie's thoughts from tonight.
Natalie's prayers are classics. They range from completely hilarious to incredibly thoughtful and sweet. And tonight she captured a perfect summary of our days...


"Please bless that Darren will stop hitting and that Cara will like her baby food. And that Dad won't have a hard day."

2015!

We made it to midnight!

I wasn't planning on letting the girls stay up until midnight this year. Mainly because I didn't think they would make it. Heck, I wasn't even sure I was going to make it. Thankfully Tim being the more fun parent went to the grocery store and came back stocked up with soda and candy and snacks, all things we never have in the house, to have a mini party just us and the girls! The girls were really pumped. And there went my goal to try to lose my last 10 pounds of baby weight.

We played Headbandz, Deer in the Headlights, and watched The Parent Trap up until midnight. We laughed a lot and got plenty silly. Natalie struggled to stay awake during the movie and both girls a couple times asked, "How much longer until midnight?" But they were determined and made it!

As soon as we counted down to 10 and yelled, "Happy New Year!" Natalie didn't skip a beat and asked, "Dad, can you carry me upstairs?" hahaha!

I certainly had fun spending quality time with my girls again without the littles absorbing every moment from me. And they were beaming with excitement on all the extra attention they were getting from Mom and Dad. Or maybe it was the sugar rush that had them beaming...??? Anyways, I hope to have many more New Years like this one with my sweet family. Happy New Year to you all!!

Merry Christmas!

Our Christmas from tanya hart on Vimeo.

Happy 2nd Birthday Darren!

Weight: 27.2 pounds 54 percentile

Height: 34 inches 48 percentile

Head: 19.5 inches 83 percentile

Likes to push his scooter backwards.
Likes group hugs.
Speaks gibberish fluently and clearly.
Loves, cars, trucks, and airplanes.
Doesn't like meat. Occasionally, depending on his mood, and if the stars all align, he will eat chicken.
Runs to his sisters every time when we pick them up from school.

squisher= shluh-shluh
please=plee

We love you big boy!