Monday, August 3, 2009

Playing the Waiting Game

Still, no Natalie...

I had a doctor's appointment Wednesday and I had only progressed to 2 cm and still remained 60% effaced. So not much change from my previous visit. I decided to postpone my induction date until August 9th which is the day after her due date (August 8th). My main reason for doing so is that I want to give Natalie time to come on her own. I want to know what it is like to go through the natural process of water breaking, contractions, going into labor, etc. But once I am in labor you better believe I am getting an epidural. I'm not that natural. =o)

But for sure, for sure, if she doesn't come by her due date I'm making her come out the next day! So I'm crossing my fingers that it happens any day now.

As for me, I feel so massive and just plain yuck. Physically it's obviously challenging but emotionally it has been different for me this time around than with Marisa. I've had a lot of up and down emotions lately about this baby girl entering our lives because of the big change that it is. It's hard to believe that in a week or less we will have another little girl, a second child, and become a family of four. I'm super excited and super ready, yet super nervous and super worried. The main concern I have occupying my every day thoughts has to do with Marisa. Sometimes I get sad that it won't be just us 2 at home anymore. Marisa has been my world, my everything, my center of attention and suddenly that will change. It's a weird thing to grasp for me. It's also weird that it won't be just us 3 anymore either. I feel like it has always been Daddy, Mommy, and Marisa and nothing else. Now we have to make room for one more. It's hard to imagine that there could be enough room to love another just as much as we love our little Marisa. Dont't get me wrong I'm extremely excited for Natalie to come and I know I'll love her just the same, but it's just weird to think about the change.

Some of my other thoughts at random: How is Marisa going to react to a new baby? Will Marisa know I still love her? Will Marisa still love me? Can I handle two kids? Will I love Natalie as much as I love Marisa? Will I be a good mom? A good mom to both?

I know this is all part of the hormonal roller coaster ride all pregnant women ride. I'm personally excited to get off it for awhile, haha. I seriously can't wait to see Natalie's face and to get to know her. I can't wait to see my sweet husband with another one of God's precious angels. And I can't wait for Marisa to see her, hold her, kiss her, and watch them grow together. Yay for two baby girls!

3 comments:

The Waters Family said...

I know the feeling of the waiting game....good luck with everything!! I can't wait to see pictures! And things will work out. You will be and are a great mom! Don't worry about that!! Keep us posted on the new little one!!

The Rogers said...

Hey Tanya,
This is Christina Rogers, from BYU and broadcasting classes. Hopefully you remember me. I came across your blog on Jennifer Borget's blog. Congrats on having another little girl come to your family. You look fantastic! I would love to share my blog with you so if you get a chance, once the baby comes and you are all settled in send me an email at christina.bambina@gmail.com.

Kayleen, Isaac, & Dylan said...

I have pretty similar feelings going through my head right now. Two seems like such a terrifying jump! I got the baby blues after I had Dylan and hope I don't get it again. It stinks when you know you should feel so happy about something yet feel so inadequate. There is a good article about postpartum depression in the Ensign, and let's cross our fingers that we DON'T get it. But if so, I am hoping that it will help me not feel like a complete wacko. Good luck on going into labor on your own! Hopefully she'll be here soon!

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