Tuesday, March 31, 2009

to my bean counter

Today is the last day of busy season! WAHOO! No more extremely late, crazy hours for my poor husband...until the next busy season that is...haha.
But for now, my cute bean counter is back, who I haven't seen since Christmas break, and I'm so happy! I missed him so much.

In honor of this glorious day...a little accounting humor. (If that is even possible.)

What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a roadmap the wrong way.
-(You have no idea how true this statement is! haha I laughed so hard when I read this. You would have to be married to an accountant to understand.)

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

An Accountant and His Frog
An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week". The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the accountant took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The accountant said, "Look I'm an accountant. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
-(Again, you would have to spend time with a bunch of accountants to understand this one. haha)

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two"?
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two." The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999999 and 4.000001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

And last but not least, my absolute favorite:
If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."
-(I have actually done this before haha)

This post is dedicated to my handsome bean counter, my "What's wrong with my formula!!!" guy, haha. I love you Timmy!

3 comments:

Henderson Family said...

Funny!!! I am also very excited to have my bean counter back.

Stephanie said...

Funny. I liked the last one, that one is definitely true! Brigham didn't have that crazy of a busy season at all. There was just a couple of weeks when he got home anywhere around 9-12. Other than that he usually gets home around 6:30! But he does have another hectic time coming up. He's doing Facebook so *hopefully* it's not too crazy.

Katie Torriente: said...

Haha, nice post. Still a few more weeks for tax guys, then freedom!!!

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